Strong Women
Dec. 3rd, 2004 08:09 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fatesfollyI am drawn to strong women. I think I see where I lack strength of decision, backbone, and/or pure guts and I think that emulating them will be the key to finding my strength... either that, or some of it might actually "rub" off on me!
I admit it: I am a shameless fan of reality tv. It's combination soap opera fix/ sociology class/ train wreck that I love to watch. I dabble in a half dozen reality shows, but I'm faithful to Survivor and the Apprentice. And very busy on Thursday nights!
Lee and I were talking about Ivana, the latest candidate fired on the Apprentice. She was gutsy, smart, creative, and a stand-out. Both he and Jane hated her. They said she was awful and pointed to the number of times she faced Trump in the board room. I argued last night that she deserved to be in the final three rather than the other two women, one of which I do not even remember from the first half of the season. I fought back that she had faced Trump so many times in the boardroom because she was not afraid to put herself out there and make a move. And no, maybe she didn't do the best thing by offering her candy bars and a peek at her very conservative panties for $20, but it was really no worse than the prostitute pair in their denim skirts (really, WHO THE FUCK wears denim skirts??), skimpy red tops, and CFM heels.
I told him that my two favorite characters from the Apprentice had been the two strongest women: Ivana and Maria. I told him that I did not admire those who flew under the radar and followed the crowd to get by in the boardroom. He then challenged me with if I appeared on the Apprentice, how would I play it: fly under the radar or be bold and brash?
I thought for a minute... my natural personality is built to fit in. I don't like to ruffle feathers and I prefer to make people happy at the expense of my happiness. But I want to be a mover and shaker. I want to be a force with which to be reckoned. I'd want to be a Maria or Ivana, not a Jen or Sandy. But deep down, I know I don't have it in me to be a stand-out.
I have a few strong women in my life and I value their place as role models and teachers. I envy the choices they've made and wish I had more strength to make my own. I admire them for marching a little out of step with society and see that by not fitting in, they've made their own place in this world. I see their choices of staying single until their forties as a mandate that they will not settle. I see their decision to divorce or separate as a wise and difficult choice to not put up with farce or being unfulfilled. I even see choices of having children as strong choices: it's the toughest job they'll ever know.
Somewhere in my effort to fit in and not ruffle feathers, I think I've lost who I really am. I don't think I'll ever lose the need to please and be mannerly, but I hope that one day, I'll find my inner strength and rediscover who I am. Until then, I'll continue to admire my strong female friends and cheer for their choices and examples.
I admit it: I am a shameless fan of reality tv. It's combination soap opera fix/ sociology class/ train wreck that I love to watch. I dabble in a half dozen reality shows, but I'm faithful to Survivor and the Apprentice. And very busy on Thursday nights!
Lee and I were talking about Ivana, the latest candidate fired on the Apprentice. She was gutsy, smart, creative, and a stand-out. Both he and Jane hated her. They said she was awful and pointed to the number of times she faced Trump in the board room. I argued last night that she deserved to be in the final three rather than the other two women, one of which I do not even remember from the first half of the season. I fought back that she had faced Trump so many times in the boardroom because she was not afraid to put herself out there and make a move. And no, maybe she didn't do the best thing by offering her candy bars and a peek at her very conservative panties for $20, but it was really no worse than the prostitute pair in their denim skirts (really, WHO THE FUCK wears denim skirts??), skimpy red tops, and CFM heels.
I told him that my two favorite characters from the Apprentice had been the two strongest women: Ivana and Maria. I told him that I did not admire those who flew under the radar and followed the crowd to get by in the boardroom. He then challenged me with if I appeared on the Apprentice, how would I play it: fly under the radar or be bold and brash?
I thought for a minute... my natural personality is built to fit in. I don't like to ruffle feathers and I prefer to make people happy at the expense of my happiness. But I want to be a mover and shaker. I want to be a force with which to be reckoned. I'd want to be a Maria or Ivana, not a Jen or Sandy. But deep down, I know I don't have it in me to be a stand-out.
I have a few strong women in my life and I value their place as role models and teachers. I envy the choices they've made and wish I had more strength to make my own. I admire them for marching a little out of step with society and see that by not fitting in, they've made their own place in this world. I see their choices of staying single until their forties as a mandate that they will not settle. I see their decision to divorce or separate as a wise and difficult choice to not put up with farce or being unfulfilled. I even see choices of having children as strong choices: it's the toughest job they'll ever know.
Somewhere in my effort to fit in and not ruffle feathers, I think I've lost who I really am. I don't think I'll ever lose the need to please and be mannerly, but I hope that one day, I'll find my inner strength and rediscover who I am. Until then, I'll continue to admire my strong female friends and cheer for their choices and examples.
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no subject
Date: 2004-12-03 06:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-07 02:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-03 10:23 am (UTC)While you see me as maternal, I see you as introspective and on a deeper quest.
no subject
Date: 2004-12-07 02:56 pm (UTC)Not to be flippant, but I don't see it as a strength to be anal about analyzing oneself. I wish I could stop.
Thanks for trying to help me put a positive spin on it, though.
no subject
Date: 2004-12-10 11:32 am (UTC)