General Updates

[fatesfolly]

My brother has said now for a year that if I don't lose weight, I'm going to get diabetes. (He was diagnosed in his late 30s and has since had more demanding problems associated with it.) The word looms in my mind, dredging up problems my grandfather had with giving himself shots and his eventual kidney failure. (No sobs here, he was 82 and had lived a long life.) Jane also has diabetes, though not the kind in my genes. She had shingles about 10 years ago which left her pancreas damaged. Her condition has worsened to the point she wears the insulin pump. When I ask how she's doing after a visit with her doctors, she adamantly declares she doesn't want to talk about it.

All of this leads to what happened to me this morning.

I've been on this doctor prescribed diet now for 2.5 months. It's low carb, low fat, low cal, basically low food. He also gave me an appetite suppressant... thank God. The doctor is my gynecologist so admittedly, he's no nutritionist. Before I started, he did blood work in conjunction with my yearly physical. I have monthly appointments to check in while doing this diet. So he knows me and I trust that his advice is good.

Well, every so often, I get hyper sensitive about the amount I'm eating. I may not have seen a change on the scale or I know I've fudged more than I should have, so I back off. Yesterday was a back off day. But it was also the day Lee and I decided to return to the gym to swim. We're losing weight, but everything seems too loose. We've decided that it's past time to start swimming again, hopefully toning up at the same time.

Everything seemed fine, but at 6:30 am this morning, I awoke feeling like I was about to die. Anyone who knows me knows that I AM NOT an early riser. Six thirty AM is not a time when little Holly is awake. But this morning, I was awake and dying. I could feel my heart beating hard and my stomach felt like it was eating itself. I felt sick. I got up and stumbled into the kitchen. I don't buy bad food now. I searched for something to eat. I opened the fridge.... caffeine free diet Pepsi, gallons of water, Crystal Light, celery, broccoli, cheese cubes, scallions, romaine lettuce, and condiments. I opened the freezer. Frozen chicken breasts, pork loins, and lean cuisines. I was screwed.

Shortly before I left my job, we had a day-long yearly planning meeting where everyone took a snack. I had made a veggie dip with pretzels and in cleaning out the boxes from my office last week, I found a bag of unopened gourmet pretzels. I went back to the frige to get a CFDP and spied a can of nectar- Coca Cola- in the back, left over from when Amanda was here. I grabbed both the pretzels and Coke and headed back to bed.

An hour and a half later, I was feeling somewhat normal and went back to sleep. I met Jane at 11:30 at the hospital's wellness center to register for their yoga classes and told her of my morning sickness (no, not morningsickness) She said that was exactly what happened when she had her sugar lows and that perhaps I had not had enough carbs yesterday to sustain the workout in the water last night. I'm thinking she may be right.

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When I was working, I got my hair cut about once a month. I would also get color/highlights added to counteract the insurgence in gray. Since I'm not working, I have had a hard time justifying the $40 cut plus the $30 color. My hair is growing out, so the cut is not a big deal, but the color is. The gray hair is invading the natural brown at alarming rates. I stopped by the drug store on the way home and bought some at-home color. Soon, I'll be the perky dark brunette I know and love.

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Going to see John Mayer tonight. It was a last minute decision and I'm excited about the show.

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