Hanging in there

[fatesfolly]

I guess you could call it that. It's Tuesday morning and I already feel like I've been drained. I worked late last night, got home, ate a spinach and feta omelet and went to bed. Lee took care of Granny.

When I woke up this morning, my eyes were crusted together at the eyelashes. This usually happens when I've worn my contacts too long. But it's been a glasses kind of day for the past week. I don't know what's going on. They feel like there's sandpaper on the inside of my eyelids and the bags underneath are puffier than usual.

Lee called me this morning on the way to work, depressed about not having anything to look forward to. He said he needed to get away and then quickly changed it to "we" need to get away. This is the second time he's done that... admitted he needed to get away in the singular and then changed it to include me.

It doesn't help that it's overcast today with intermitent showers. I'm behind at work because of missing a couple of days last week. It normally would have been made up by now by staying late a couple of nights, burning the midnight oil, but I cannot do that anymore. So, more stress on my shoulders.

I talked to a friend last night who went through similar circumstances. He's an attorney and I originally stopped him in the hall asking about power of attorney and such, but the conversation grew. His personal solution was to place his grandmother in an assisted living facility. He made it sound easy. He had the full support of his siblings. He was the eldest of those siblings and they naturally looked to him for leadership and decision making. But as the little sister of a brother who insists that she will not go into such a place, I feel my voice is a weak one and may be selfish.

It's clearly what's bogging down my mind and my spirits and forces me to think slowly and more deliberately and taking one minute at a time in the other areas of my life.

Comments

[librarian50.livejournal.com]

Does your brother say she doesn't want to and will refuse or does he say he doesn't want or support such a move?

[fatesfolly.livejournal.com]

He remembers when my paternal grandfather was placed in a nursing home back in the 80s. Visiting Granddaddy was almost as horrible as I imagine it was to actually live there. People were wheeled out into the hallways to sit and drool until a nurse or orderly figured out that the patient was sitting in their own urine. The place was hot and smelled of rotting skin, urine, and excrement. I honestly think he believes all assisted living facilities are that way. He would think me selfish and not agree to a move. She would not agree on the basis that she thinks she's going to get better. I think they both fear she doesn't have enough money for a "high class" facility with one-on-one care.
I don't believe she's going to get better. At 91, she's past her peak... According to her doctor, she will continue to have strokes, of varying intensity. She has extreme back pain from osteoporosis and there's no relief, except a pain pill that she wil not take for fear of "getting hooked." (She read the patient leaflet sometime ago that says it's addictive.) From here on out the goal will be to make her as comfortable and happy as possible. She could last another month, she could last another 5 years.
We have money from inheritance from our parents. I don't think he wants her money. But I don't think he's willing to pony up for her care should the need come that we need to assist.
Admittedly, we're both stumbling in the dark. YOU know how subservient I am. An LJ post a 2 or 3 months ago, http://www.livejournal.com/users/fatesfolly/2003/10/20/, I said how he's my krypton.
Sorry for rambling.

[librarian50.livejournal.com]

assisted living isn't a nursing home. It's an apartment house with panic buttons and people who assist you.