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something's missing
Apr. 5th, 2004 12:25 pmHad a good weekend. Went to Target with Jane on Saturday, and I tell you, I don't need to go without Target for too long... geez... I got the stupid Target VISA just to save $50 on the final total! All in all, it was a good day.
Yesterday, Le and Company went to Raleigh for an in-law visit so Lee and I had the day to ourselves. I slept in and because of the time change, ended up sleeping until 1pm. I got up, got dressed and we headed to lunch at this pizza joint out on the highway. We then swung by Lowe's to get some bedding plants and went swimming again. It was good to be back in the water. On the way home, we stopped by the grocery store to stock up for the week and came home. Lee went for his nap and I planted the geraniums and gerbera daisies and cleaned out my car. Mrs. Dupree came over with a pie and stayed for a while.
But all day long, I had this lingering, nagging feeling of something negative. Sometimes, it was just below the surface, sometimes, it was deeper. I caught myself several times, examining the feelings and I finally put my finger on what it was. I felt like I was missing something... forgetting something... not doing something.... the main feeling was guilt for not going to see Granny. I knew Le and Kimberly were out of town and knowing that, my brain registered that I needed to be doing something with Granny. Visiting her at home, in the hospital, or in the nursing home.
I know she's gone, but my habit has been caring for her. My subconscious is having a harder time a this point, adjusting to her death.
As a side note, it's going to be hard later this week when Le and Kimberly and Robert leave to go home. They've been staying at Granny's and her house is still full of life. When I go over, we have fun... grilling out, playing rummy, and watching movies. I am definitely not looking forward to it.
Yesterday, Le and Company went to Raleigh for an in-law visit so Lee and I had the day to ourselves. I slept in and because of the time change, ended up sleeping until 1pm. I got up, got dressed and we headed to lunch at this pizza joint out on the highway. We then swung by Lowe's to get some bedding plants and went swimming again. It was good to be back in the water. On the way home, we stopped by the grocery store to stock up for the week and came home. Lee went for his nap and I planted the geraniums and gerbera daisies and cleaned out my car. Mrs. Dupree came over with a pie and stayed for a while.
But all day long, I had this lingering, nagging feeling of something negative. Sometimes, it was just below the surface, sometimes, it was deeper. I caught myself several times, examining the feelings and I finally put my finger on what it was. I felt like I was missing something... forgetting something... not doing something.... the main feeling was guilt for not going to see Granny. I knew Le and Kimberly were out of town and knowing that, my brain registered that I needed to be doing something with Granny. Visiting her at home, in the hospital, or in the nursing home.
I know she's gone, but my habit has been caring for her. My subconscious is having a harder time a this point, adjusting to her death.
As a side note, it's going to be hard later this week when Le and Kimberly and Robert leave to go home. They've been staying at Granny's and her house is still full of life. When I go over, we have fun... grilling out, playing rummy, and watching movies. I am definitely not looking forward to it.
